The List

The best thing posting a list on your blog, is that you always have a copy of the list, in case anything happens to the first list. Available anywhere the world wide web reaches. But, just in case the online world crashes, I have it on paper, too.

I got home yesterday... from the longest work stretch I've had in a long time. I have been living here (ibym "living"... "paying rent") for 2 months and in those 2 months I have slept here 7 nights. I've been to 8 cities and logged 430 hours on my time sheet. My reward? I'm home for 3 weeks! THREE WHOLE WEEKS. And since my real life has been sorely neglected of late, I have a long list of things I want to accomplish before April 27:

finish unpacking (namely, bedroom and office)
hang things on walls
get a slipcover for my chair
CLEAN OUT my closet (actually get rid of things)
watch the first season of Battlestar Galactica in its entirety
lose 10 lbs.
find a coffee table
go to the Trin with my friends
play golf
finish Beach Music
have girls' night (maybe poker?)
get Krysten a belated birthday present
get some new folders so I can file all this crap
register for school
have a "housewarming" get together at my new place
go to Ft. Worth to see the fam
get Scotticus and KJ a wedding present (and also, attend their wedding)
hook up my VCR/cable box/cable modem/DVD player correctly

Think I can do all that in the next 28 days? Actually, 26 days, because I am leaving for Austin in one hour, and all I'm doing before then is washing out my coffee pot. *weg*

"Maybe that's why we don't run on the bus."

OK, so, I know I don't have a lot of West Wing readers (zip it, Bill)- but I have to write about it. I just caught up on the last three. The first few of the last few, as it were. My favorite line of "Welcome to Wherever You Are", other than the titular line, which really was just... awesome, was Matt Crankypants Santos' "An international rock star looking after my children? Yeah, it's a dream come true!" and helloooo, Bon Jovi! He's such a whore. I would also like to say, thank you, writers, for FINALLY throwing us a bone with the Toby thing (as well as showing us his children for the first time since like, they were born), and I have to point out that even though I am vehemently anti Josh-Donna, I truly appreciate that The West Wing knows how to play realistic sexual chemistry, unlike the many, many before them. Is it really election day next week!?? *all atingle with anticipation*

In other television news... I got the 5th season of Six Feet Under, the 5th season of The Sopranos, and the 3rd season of Arrested Development. Oh, and also? I have no life.

guilty as charged

OK, so, usually I'm not ashamed to admit my guilty pleasures. I can't pass up Saved by the Bell if it's on TV. I eat cold Chinese leftovers. Hell, I even listen to Johnny Mathis when no one else is around (although I turn it off before I answer the phone- haha!)

Anyway, the other day, I was listening to a Paste Music sampler, and I was doing other things, and then I heard this song that I really liked, so I ran over to my iPod to see what it was, and it was POLYPHONIC SPREE, Section 12 (Hold me Now). I'm so embarrassed!!

*palms face*

A couple of days ago, I told Kiddo that I was going to Minneapolis, and she said, "At least it's not still winter." Hahahahahahahahaha!

I would pat her on her little Canadian head, except that I can't feel my fingers.

Shelly, I need your mad bomber hat.

"Morning Jack!!"

Quite possibly my favorite LOST line of all time.

If you love food, like I love food....

Check out my new blog, Food, Glorious Food. It's still under construction, but it will be my new creative outlet for all things edible (and drinkable).

Enjoy!!

Pomp & Circumstance

I got into Community College!!!!

This information filled me with a completely random sense of glee. Like posessing a B.A. from an accredited 4-year university didn't guarantee my admission or something. Hee. Anyway, I start June 5. Statistics and Human Growth & Development. Can someone explain to me why a nurse needs statistics? I'm a little scared. I mean, I made an "A" in college calculus, but that was 8 years ago... and I'm not so good with actual arithmetic. X's and Y's were always more my style.

It's grand to be home. I love my new apartment, even though it's still a mess. I caught up on TV, slept, and have been taking care of LIFE all morning. Dealing with insurance quandaries, activating new credit cards, changing over all my online billing, getting together tax info, paying bills, etc. etc. It's so hard to do all that stuff on the road. I need to go get a new driver's license, as well, and I'm afraid they're going to make me take the test because I don't have a Texas driver's license, and don't have my physical New Jersey license, or even know the number. Bah.

I leave tomorrow for Minneapolis. Brrrrr!

Late Night Re-runs... and a contest!!

... are the best kind of re-runs.

Last night I couldn't fall asleep, and though I rarely watch TV in bed, decided to flip it on. What's better than snuggling down in a king-size bed with a down comforter and 5 pillows? (All that and a someone else, I s'pose?)

Anyway, I watched a season 2 episode of Alias (on FOX, which actually confused me- why does FOX have syndication rights to Alias, which is still running on ABC?) -- back when there was still a mission every week where Sydney got to dress up in a fun costume and Marshall flash-backs explaining her gadgets peppered the episode. Also? Will! Francie!! Irina! And honest-to-God Sydney-Vaughn chemistry! Wow... remember that? Good times.

Then I watched one of the most classic of Friends episodes, The One Where Ross Got High, or, as I refer to it, The One with the English Trifle. I almost never laugh at the TV when I'm alone, but I let out a giggle to an oft-overlooked line from Joey, when Ross first discovered there was meat in the trifle, and Joey was all "There's only one layer of jam? What's that about?" I burst into full-on guffaws from the moment Joey said "that banana-meat thing" and by the time I got to "it tastes like feet!" tears were literally streaming down my face. "What's not to like? Custard? Gooood. Jam? Goooood. Meat? Goo-oooood." Oh holy crap, I'm laughing even now just thinking about it.

So, this brings me to our No Day but Today Best of Friends Contest.

Krysten has never seen Friends. I know, what? I'd like to help her out without overwhelming her with 10 6-disc DVD sets, haha! I thought a capital idea would be to choose the 10 funniest episodes and record them from my DVDs onto a VCR tape, and then she have 5 hours of unmitigated The-Best-Of Friends. So, I need your help in picking the 10 Best Friends Episodes of All Time. My top 2, which will definitely be included on the list are The One Where They Lose the Apartment and The One Where Everyone is Late. And possibly the "but they don't know we know they know we know" episode.

So, write in, phone in, text message in... Get me your suggestions and I will compile the list.

And a copy of the list, in case anything happens to the first list.

Blog this!

Mood: Tired and happy
Music: Kings of Convenience, Quiet is the New Loud

Sooo... today, on Krysten's birthday, I got a present from the birthday girl! Actually I got multiple presents!! In case there was ever any dissension... Krysten is one good gift-giver. Now you all know how much I love to GIVE gifts... I also love to receive gifts, especially when it is apparent that the giver not only knows me well, but spent the time to put together a unique a special gift tailor-made just for me. This hit the jackpot, kids. A care package of the umpth degree. And what fun to get on the road!

Unfortunately, blogger is not uploading my pictures this morning... so make sure you click on the links.

First off, one of the sweetest cards I've received in a long time. *sniff* Incredibly heart-felt and caring. Thanks, friend. OK... so, first... I'm assuming right from the knitting needles of Krysten herself, glittens! Actually, I just made that word up. Are they gloves? Are they mittens? There's no need to decide!!! They're just plain awesome, that's what. Two thumbs up!!

I move on to... olives. My favorite food in the world. She sent me bleu cheese stuffed olives! TWO JARS! Double-y awesome? She doesn't even like bleu cheese. Which means she just remembered that I did. Well-played. Dude, I can't wait to crack these bad boys open. Mmmmmmm. I'll have to get a bottle of vodka when I get home.

Next stop... one of the coolest martini glasses I've ever seen. For my olives and vodka, natch.

And last but DEFINITELY not least... my love of snarky t-shirts meets my love of the very activity in which I am currently engaging...

The coolest t-shirt ever!

Dearest Krys, I love that you think I'm thinner than I really am... it's sweet, and you have given me incentive to lose those 10lbs so I can wear my shirt with pride! Ibym "with pride"... "without being embarrassed at that roll of fat hanging over my jeans."

So... thanks for the thanks. I hope your birthday present lives up. XOXOX

Mommy, what's spring?

Have you ever heard the old agage about the founders of Chicago? The first adventurers to the Midwest said "you know, we really like all the crime and poverty in New York... but it's just not cold enough"???

Yeah.

Happy Birthday Krysten!!!!

Happy Birthday to my favorite ain't-no-Hollaback-Girl!!

This sh*t is crazy! B-A-N-A-N-A-S!

Brace yourself, 29 is one hell of a year. *wink*

Love, Jamie.

Top o' the mahrin to yeh

OK, since I slept in today, so I'll be following in the footsteps of my fellow bloggers with a St. Patrick's Day post.

Side note: Ev, remember when I acidentally said "Wild Hahrses" and we had to speak in an Irish accent for the rest of the day? Good times.

It has long been recounted that, during his mission in Ireland, St. Patrick once stood on a hilltop (which is now called Croagh Patrick), and with only a wooden staff by his side, banished all the snakes from Ireland. Some say the "banishing of the snakes" was really a metaphor for the eradication of pagan ideology from Ireland and the triumph of Christianity. Within two hundred years of Patrick's arrival, Ireland was completely Christianized. However, there are no snakes on the island of Ireland, and never have been.

I missed the parade, but I think the river is still dyed green, so I'll go see that today... and of course eventually have Shepard's Pie or a Welsch Rarebit, maybe just some good ole fish & chips, and a Jameson's at a tavern of choice. Krys, are you making soda bread? Mmmmmm.

Wishing I was at the Trin with O'Scottie, Ree-an, and Co. Slainte from Chicago!! ~J.

Baby it's cold outside

It's dropped at least 40 degrees since I got here and the wind is out of control. Methinks it's not going to be much better in Chicago. Bah!!

A Salute to Humankind.

I know I tell you guys at least three times a year about the physicists. What a ... special group of people. I am working with 7,000 of the most brilliant scientific minds in the country. Minds so full of particles and formulas and theorems and information that there is little room for anything else, like social skills, or hygeine. And they truly are the most arrogant group of people that I work with all year. (However, their most arrogant subset is not this week; it's fall at the Department of Plasma Physics meeting they hold in conjunction with the Department of Defense.)

My favorite thing about scientists is absolute adherance to their stereotype. They come out of their labs once or twice a year to share their findings with their peers, and they're just hilarious, with their bowties and their crazy hair and their snarky t-shirts that say things like "Don't drink and derive." No, I'm not kidding. Yes, I got one.

But anyway, I wanted to take a moment to talk about the good in Us. I actually really like people. I like quirky people. I like funny people. I like sensitive people. I like real people. But even the people I don't like? Have something likeable about them.

A co-worker and I were talking about this other freelancer today, who nobody really likes, because she talks. Incessantly. All the time. Never stopping. About nothing. And I have to admit, she *is* rather annoying. But you know what? She's an incredibly hard worker. She does every single task asked of her, and some that are not asked of her, even the ones that no one else wants to do, and does them with an unbelievably good attitude. And of all her continual words, I've never once heard her complain. About anything. I think that's a fantastic trait.

There's this other girl, who worked for my client for the past 9-10 meetings I've done for them. She's no longer with the association, and I hear she left on really bad terms. I did always find her a bit eccentric (just for the sake of being eccentric), and a little immature, and overly sensitive, but I remember that last time we worked together, in November, there was a concert in Denver she wanted to see, and no one else wanted to go, so she went alone. To a big concert in a strange city. Because she was that passionate about the music, and she doesn't need to be with the crowd all the time. I admire that quality.

Anyway, I think that you can find something to look up to in everyone, even the most unpleasant people. Someone stole my wallet, and I think that person is a jerk. But I bet if I knew that person, I might find something in him/her that I could identify with. It's comforting to me to know that even though I have flaws, major flaws, and traits that I don't like even in myself, I have some admirable traits, too. I hope people can see them even when they are frustrated with me, or annoyed by me, or just plain don't like me. And I hope that I always have the insight to find them in others.

seriously?!??!!!!

ibym "driving..." "life."

the real third thing

OK, first things first, a big ole HAPPY BIRTHDAY!! to Amy. I'm sorry I missed your dinner last night and also that I didn't get your card/present out to you yet, but know that if I were there, and I baked, I would have made you this cake. ----->

Expect something in the mail soon. And I'll call you later today when I get a break. :-)

Next... seriously. I did something really, really horrible, and karma is kicking me in the @$$. Krysten, you will have no words:

My wallet got stolen. That's right. I'm in Baltimore, MD, without any money, credit cards, or identification. Madison went to my apartment last night - thank goodness my landlord could let her in, and thank goodness that I have a passport AND knew exactly where it was. She's going to overnight it to me at the hotel. Bank of America can't get me a new checkcard for about 6 working days (wha?) so I have to go to the Bank of America here in Baltimore to get some cash (I wonder if I can do that with no ID? I might have to wait until that gets here) and then they're going to mail my new check card to the Bank of America in Chicago (I'm flying there on Thursday), and I have to go pick it up in person. That should be no small feat as I'm working by myself in Chicago. *roll eyes* By the time I called American Express someone had already charged almost $900 at Home Depot, and by the time I called MBNA someone had used my Mastercard at McDonald's. Seriously. Also, I had about $300, maybe more, in cash. I got a couple hundred on my way to the airport on Friday, and I keep an "emergency" c-note (given to me by Uncle Al and Aunt Sandy) tucked away, and my dad had given me another one at Christmas that I hadn't taken out yet. *bangs head on table*

We had a fire drill or fire scare yesterday... evacuated the entire Convention Center. I took my laptop and my purse with me (as it was this same show 2 years ago that I got my computer bag stolen right out from under my nose in the Speaker Ready Room-- damn physicists). So, we come back in after about 20 minutes outside, and the flashing lights are still going off, so I'm starting to get a little dizzy, and there are about 15 people waiting to get in the SRR. I let them in, dump my stuff on my desk, and start helping people. They finally get the alarm off, and it's pretty busy in there, so I call for back-up, and Tom and Daniel come in. About 7-10 minutes after I walked in the door, I think to myself "Self, you shouldn't leave your purse on top of your desk like that," and I turn around to put it under the desk... and WALLET GONE. I was in the room the entire time, and with 2 co-workers part of that time. Damn physicists. At least they didn't take my iPod.

So.... any donations to the Jamie-is-a-Sucker Fund can be sent to the Marriott Baltimore Waterfront, or the Chicago Hilton on Michigan Ave.

OK, television. Due to the massive amounts of stress and phone calls that ensued after my SRR closed at 7pm, I missed The West Wing. Don't tell me ANYTHING... and someone who loves me please download it for me? I opted for HBO instead of ABC so I missed Desperate Housewives and Grey's Anatomy as well.

The Sopranos was freaking AWESOME -- there were 10 minutes of previouslies, haha, and a really punchy cliffhanger ending with no "next week on The Sopranos" scenes. First scene showed Carmella taking to Adriana and I was like "huh?" and then she kind of faded away and Carmella was alone. Very creepy. I read that one of this year's recurring themes will be Carmella talking to people that Tony has had killed. Very cool, very effective... but still not as creepy as the fish.

The new show, Big Love, was actually really interesting. The opening theme song is The Beach Boys' God Only Knows, which was, you know, "the song" for a certain fellow in my life, and one of my favorite songs, ever, so that was cool. I was IM-ing with Evan while we watched, and he was all "I knew this would all come down to jealousy" and I was like, um, YEAH, have you ever met a woman? And then he said he'd like to see a show about a woman with multiple husbands and I was like hahahahahaha! Would never happen. Anyway, Bill Paxton's character Bill has three wives: one in her 40s, Barb, played by the lovely Jeanne Tripplehorn, who is the "Boss Lady" and bore him three children (middle school/high school age), and is the only one who works outside the home. She got cancer and had a historectomy, so then he married Nikki, in her 30s, played by Chloe Sevigny, who has two kids with him, elementary school age, and then he married Marge, in her late 20s, played by the adorable Ginnifer Goodwin, who has a toddler and an infant. They left their "compound" and live in three houses in a row, share Bill on a tight schedule, pool household funds, and have "family dinner." Super weird set-up. His dad is being poisoned by his mom and his brother is a tool, and over at the compound, the "Prophet" (what is this, Carnivale?) is played by the uber-skeevy Harry Dean Stanton. HBO is just brilliant, how they make us identify with mobsters, morticians, circus freaks, writers who buy $400 shoes, and now polygamists. It's quite fascinating, really.

OK, I'm going to go find someone to buy me a cup of coffee.

insider trading

You know how you can hit "next blog" in the top right corner? Well, I was doing that a couple of weeks ago, and I bookmarked one called "Day Trading Stocks." I've been meaning to blog about it, because I was convinced that it was coded insider trading information. Each entry was complete nonsensical sentences that weren't even sentences, with made-up words and odd word groupings, etc. So, I was going to do that this morning, and it's been deleted! *raises eyebrow* Do I watch too much TV, or did they get caught by the feds???

OK, maybe those sentences aren't mutually exclusive. :-)

Speaking of too much TV... it's HBO night, after a 21-month break- The Sopranos, and a new show called Big Love with Bill Paxton, Chloe Sevigny, Jeanne Tripplehorn, and Ginnifer Goodwin (the girl who played the first Mrs. Cash in Walk the Line). It's about a polygamous Viagra-popping salesman from Salt Lake City and his three wives and seven children. But he's not a Mormon. *snort* So, in addition to 2 hours of HBO... The West Wing is finally back (with alumni Mary-Louise Parker! Emily Proctor!! Anabeth Gish!!! Timothy Busfield!!!!), and there are new episodes of Desperate Housewives and Grey's Anatomy. Geez.

I've been meaning to blog about LOST for a while: no new episode this week... but is anyone else ecstatic that the episode after next is called "Lockdown"?? I really, really hope that's a play on John Locke's name. And also? Henry Gale? In a hot air balloon? Seriously? I love that stuff. The April 5th episode is called "Dave." Who the Dharma(TM Shelly) is Dave?? The one after that is called "S.O.S." *all atingle with excitement*

update

Hotel, sweet hotel. 2:15am.

Rant over... I feel better....

And on a lighter note, one of my favorite TwoP quizzes ever:

Most unlikely Tony recovery ever?

(A) Season One: From sketchy, snoopy guy to Teri-saving hero.
(B) Season Two: Off his crutches hours after getting his ankle broken.
(C) Season Three: Back at work hours after being shot in the neck. (D) Season Four: From unemployed futbol fan to CTU boss in an afternoon.
(E) Season Five: Up and about hours after being blown up.
(F) Season Six: Risen from the dead (speculation only! No spoilers!).

The third thing(s).

My frustration level is really high.

*My tailbone is still excruciating... which is apparently an extremely humorous ailment to everyone in my life.

*I spent an HOUR on the phone with Cingular customer service this morning. I was transferred to SEVEN different departments. I'm still not convinced that the issue is resolved. I then proceeded to spend an hour on the phone with my pharmacy, my doctor's office, and my insurance. My doctor prescribed me Imitrex injections for my migraines (the pills don't work when I'm nauseated) and my insurance told my pharmacy that they needed a letter of medical consent from my doctor. I'm sorry, isn't that called "a prescription"?? Of course, that didn't get taken care of either, and it's Friday. And I'm leaving town for 11 days. And I have ONE pill (which doesn't even help that much anyway).

*My landlord hasn't turned on the AC yet and it's hot.

*When I was cleaning up the kitchen my coffee filter broke on its way to the trash can and I got coffee grounds all over my new off-white carpet. When I pulled my vaccuum cleaner out of my Tetrised hall closet I messed up its exact science of array and couldn't get it back in.

*I never did find that roach.

*When I was trying to tighten the screw in my sunglasses, the screwdriver slipped and I stabbed myself in the hand.

*I have no food in my house and no car and I walked to Sushi on McKinney and it was closed.

*I was running late to the airport- totally my fault as I didn't factor in Friday 5 o'clock traffic, Julia was driving me, and someone at the airport hit her car from behind, promptly exited and DROVE AWAY. It was a Lexus, and they didn't have a front license plate, natch. I got to the ticket counter 15-20 minutes before my flight was to depart, and so of course they wouldn't let me on it. The next flight was scheduled for 2 hours later and is already running thirty minutes behind. I had to get on the SkyLink and change terminals, in vain hopes that at least 7 people won't check into the next flight... and when I got here the board says my original flight ran 16 minutes behind schedule.

*Oh, and remember how ecstatic I was about my April-May schedule? Well, we got an e-mail today saying "MAJOR April changes coming. Hold off booking." and then about 10 minutes later, an e-mail from a co-worker announcing his resignation.

*And I swear on all that is holy if one more complete stranger tells me that I should SMILE... I will bludgeon them with my "tiny ineffectual fists." I might end up with a mug shot before the end of the night.

I'm not saying any of these things are all that life-shattering (except Jul's car; that's the most upsetting) but it's like a thousand tiny papercuts. I'm so OVER March. I just want to take a big ole nap.

On my stomach, of course.

oh holy crap, part II

So, last night, I slept HORRIBLY. I went to bed at 10, woke up at 12 when my alcohol wore off, haha! and drank a whole bottle of water, woke up at 2 when my loud neighbors came in, woke up at 4 to a suddenly unbearable dripping faucet, even though I'd been in that room for a week and the faucet never dripped, the hell? Worked from 7am to about 12:30. Went to the airport. Missed the 12:30. Didn't get on the 2pm. Got on the 2:59p, which was pushed to 3:15. Which was pushed to 4:20. *sigh* Got a seat in aisle 30. Got to Dallas at 9pm... of course my luggage was on the flight before me, which landed in another terminal... so I had to ride the bus to get my bag, and take a $55 cab ride home that smelled of sweat. Then? Came in to something I forgot about Texas.

Roaches.

There's a big daddy in my bedroom and I didn't get to him fast enough, so now he's behind my dresser, and I'm fairly certain I can't sleep in there or wear anything in those drawers until I'm sure he's gone.

I'm so skeeved out right now.

We watched The Family Stone on the plane. I love love LOVE that movie. Craig T. Nelson, will you be my dad? It makes me ache for a huge family of my own. I think I'm too old to have 5 kids now though. *sigh* Luke Wilson makes me ache too, but in other places. *wink* "Houndstooth? This is houndstooth, right?"

Seriously. I can't sleep in there.

oh holy crap

What a week. I'll elaborate later. Right now I'm waiting on this ONE PIECE OF PAPER so I can go to the airport and get on the standby list, as I missed my flight. Damn job. My last truck brought a too-small pup truck, like an idiot, even though he knew he had 4 shipments to pick up, so he had to go unload and come BACK. Jack-hole. As soon as he loads those three crates on the dock I am outta here.

There are 10 direct flights to Dallas from Vegas a day, and they are all full. That's right-- all full. While I've been sitting here waiting on this truck, I've missed 6 of them. Pro: you can get a direct flight to Dallas on American Airlines from anywhere, several times a day. Con: Every single American Airlines flight in the southern half of the country goes through Dallas, so they are always oversold.

The in-house people were BLARING the heavy metal XM Radio station here, and it was really creasing me, so I asked them to please change the channel so I could you know, think, and work, and stuff like that, and they apparently think that if I don't want to listen to heavy metal, then I must only like elevator music. Which is annoying, but a step up from the metal. I guess. Maybe a step sideways.

ETA: Now they're playing techno. Definitely worse than the metal. And I'm sorry to be a traitor to my generation or whatever... but does it have to be SO LOUD??

On a happier note, I have GREAT April and May schedules. If I can make it to April: I leave tomorrow afternoon for Baltimore for a week, go straight to Chicago for a week, home for 2 days, and to Minneapolis until March 30, when I come home for 24 hours and leave for Madge's Bachelorette Weekend in Austin. After THAT... I am home, sweet home, for 2 1/2 weeks. Then I work in Dallas for week, 2 days off, like that's a real weekend, y'all, San Antonio for a week, Dallas for another week, another 2 days off, then a quick jaunt to San Diego, which is always perfect, but even more perfect in May... then at least 5 days off which takes me to June. Wheee!!

Ree-an, let's get started on SLOTS II: Electric Bugaloo.

sit-com characters vs. dicatators

Potato, pot-ah-to.

Gen reminded me of this website- I used to play with it all the time!! Pretty fun timewaster.

Tuesday morning ponderings and panderings

1. My favorite part of last night's Keifer Two-fer is when he used his so-very-burly man-knife to lift the lock on that white picket fence. Hee!! I also love how, once a season, when someone important dies, the *blip, blip, blip, blip* counter is silent. They did it with Mason, and when Keifer had to shoot that guy in the head? Anyway, it's a nice touch. And also? Very good acting on the part of Mary Lynn Rajskub.

2. I really really really want this shirt, but I gave up shopping for Lent. But I just simply must have it. Don't you think I could order it now, since it won't come (or be charged) until after Easter??? I mean, technically Sundays are free days, although I've never taken them. Damn Glarkware with their Now or Never sales!!! By the way, I also love this one.

3. One of my biopsies came back positive for some kind of something with a scary sounding name that's not cancer, but wants to be when it grows up. So we're going to nip it in the bud (literally). I'll have a brand new 6mm "punch" scar ON MY NECK. Why can't I ever have scars on, I don't know, my back, or maybe my leg?? *sigh* Anyway, hopefully this will be the third thing and I can stop looking for falling anvils.

4. Today, March 7, I'm starting a Shelly-esque lifestyle change. Go yoga!! I am fatter than I have ever been, and I'm uncomfortable in my clothes, and I'm unhappy with myself. Apparently the mere weight of Today's Jamie (+ a 22-lb. backpack) can crack a tailbone that I've been sitting on for years!! Unacceptable. (OH MY, side note, an exhibitor wrote "unexceptable" on a receiver yesterday. Bah!) So, effective immediately, less "I'll have the blue cheese burger and fries" and more "tomato soup and grilled chicken, please." Less wine. More gym.

5. I miss you guys.

Monday Drama

OHMIGAH, I just saw a forklift drop a scooter. It tipped off to the side and landed on its hood. Completely jacked up the cab and one of the axles (axels?) and broke a bunch of stuff and ripped the carpet in the Rio Convention Center. The driver had to take a drug test and there were all sorts of damage reports and photos taken and general craziness.

I'm honestly surprised that I wasn't underneath it, since so far this week I've had another photosensitive epilepsy "episode" and fell down some metal stairs and cracked my tailbone. No, I'm not kidding. Yes, I'm in quite a lot of pain.

These sorts of things happen in threes, right? I would duck under my desk if it didn't hurt so bad to move.

You can get what you want, or you can just get old

This morning on the way to work, I heard "Wouldn't it be Nice?" by the Beach Boys. Now all of you know that I am a HUGE Beach Boys fan and I would never dream of sullying the good name of Brian Wilson, or indeed, any Beach Boy, but I don't like that song. I used to, until I was about 20. I found it romantic. Now I find it sad. Not the sentiment of the song, really, but the fact that that entire portion of my life is gone. I can never again say "I can't wait until I'm old enough to ...." or "When I grow up, I'm going to...." I don't want you to think I am bemoaning my ripe old age of 29; in fact, I am completely happy with it, and excited about my 30s. But I am grown up. If I don't follow a dream, it's not because I can't... it's because I don't. And I hate to think of one wasting one's precious, once-gone-gone-forever time here by wishing it was something else. I know I did it, to an extent; I know I do it still. Anticipating is a great, exciting part of life, but you can waste away your life looking forward to something else.

A better way to look at it, I think, is "Vienna" by Billy Joel. Apparently, in Vienna, the state provides simple, necessary jobs to the elderly, like passing out tourism flyers or sweeping the sidewalks, so old people don't feel useless and a burden on society. Everyone is an important part of the lifeblood of the country. Billy Joel's song advises us to not ache for the next chapter in life too quickly. Good things are waiting for us, but we don't have to have them right this very second. I wish I had lived more of my life that way, and I hope I will continue to embrace my present.

It's just another way of stating my broken-record statement of "no day but today":

Slow down you crazy child
You're so ambitious for a juvenile
But then if you're so smart, tell me why are you still so afraid?
Where's the fire, what's the hurry about?
You better cool it off before you burn it out
You got so much to do, and only so many hours in a day

But you know that when the truth is told
That you can get what you want or you can just get old
You're gonna kick off before you even get halfway through
When will you realize...Vienna waits for you

Slow down you're doing fine
You can't be everything you want to be before your time
Although it's so romantic on the borderline tonight
Too bad but it's the life you lead
You're so ahead of yourself
That you forgot what you need
Though you can see when you're wrong
You know you can't always see when you're right
You got your passion, you got your pride
But don't you know that only fools are satisfied?
Dream on, but don't imagine they'll all come true
When will you realize... Vienna waits for you

Slow down you crazy child
Take the phone off the hook and disappear for a while
It's alright, you can afford to lose a day or two
When will you realize...Vienna waits for you

But you know that when the truth is told
That you can get what you want or you can just get old
You're gonna kick off before you even get halfway through
Why don't you realize...Vienna waits for you

When will you realize...Vienna waits for you

Loathing

Did I ever tell you guys how much I hate Las Vegas?

Just wondering.

Will the real J. Hawkins please step forward?

OK, so, I get off the plane in Las Vegas, and go to baggage claim, and I'm right at the front of the mass of people because I was at the front of the plane, and you know how there's all those guys standing around in suits holding signs with people's names on them? Well, triple that for Las Vegas. At Baggage Claim 1, the moderate estimate is 22. Right up front? Dude holding a sign that says "J. Hawkins."

Sorry about the crappy picture but I didn't want him to see me so I used my phone. So, I duck behind a column (like he knew who I was, or something) and called Tom. Is this guy looking for me?? What are the odds of another J. Hawkins being on my flight? Who is this J. Hawkins? Tom, because he is a geek, wondered if J. Hawkins was a hot dude and wouldn't it be a cool story if this is how we met and fell in love. I just thought maybe I had been punk'd, and Ashton and my co-workers were waiting to pounce on me when I approached the suit man or something.

Anyway, I was talking to Tom when the real J. Hawkins walked up to the driver. I yelled "Gotta go!!" and followed J. Hawkins (inconspicuously, of course, by hiding behind people and whistling at the ceiling whenever necessary) until I could get a better look (and a picture):

Check out the belly!!! We have something in common!! So, that's all there is to that story. I thought it was pretty awesome. Are there any statisticians reading? I mean, what ARE the odds of two J. Hawkins' being on the same flight?

One more thing: Someone, anyone, everyone... please please please tell Krysten that she has to see Walk the Line. I saw it again tonight on the plane and I just think she has to. She doesn't think she can handle the smolders of Joaquin... but I say "Buck up, little camper. Everything's going to be all right."

In like a (red-hot) lion...

Ok, it is 90 degrees, y'all. NINETY. I just walked a mile and a half on the Katy Trail and almost passed out. I am packing sweaters and cords into my suitcase and sweating just thinking about them. I can't believe I have to get out my winter coat again.

So, I finally got a new phone (and a new number, e-mail me if you didn't get the updated info). I pimped it out with an Andy Warhol screenshot (right) and the Dallas theme song ring. It makes me giggle like an idiot every time my phone rings. Also, it has a camera, which is awesome just in case I ever again come across that crazy newspaper man, or run into Matthew Perry at Pastis.

It's been SO nice to be home, sweet home for a bit. I love my new apartment and my new neighborhood. I wish I didn't have to leave tomorrow. *sob*

Oh, and I finally got a haircut.