I don't want to alarm anyone...

...but I am completely immersed in Lifetime movies. How did this happen? Honestly, I blame Holiday in Handcuffs. No, really, I blame the fact that Lifetime plays re-runs of Frasier, Will & Grace, and Golden Girls, and the commercials have totally sucked me in!!!!! Today I watched Friends Til the End, starring Shannen Doherty, natch, which was basically the poor man's Single White Female, and then Cyberstalker: His Secret Life, which randomly, stars that cute little kid from the best version of Peter Pan ever (the last movie I saw in the theater with Scotticus before I moved to New York in 2004-- why do I remember these kinds of details?).

I'm fighting the urge to record Normal Adolescent Behavior, starring Amber Tamblyn, which comes on tonight. I'm fighting it like this sad little TV boy is fighting his internet porn addiction. Which is to say, dramatically and huffily, and insisting to my roommate that I do not have a problem.

All I can think about is A Dog Took my Face, and Gave me a New Face, so I Could Change the World: the Celeste Cunningham Story.

food poisoning is not awesome

So, she got up yesterday in LA, the sun was shining, the birds were singing... Hello, Jamie was going home. Her home. Her home in which she had not seen in 26 days. She had her coffee, the same coffee she had been drinking for the past 10 days, packed, and shuttled off to the airport in glee. She couldn't wait to get home, have dinner with a friend, sleep in her own bed, and go to yoga the next morning.

Oh, but the universe had other plans.

At the airport, Hello, Jamie stopped at Starbuck's and bought a roasted veggie sandwich. Rosemary ciabatta bread with spinach, squash, zucchini, mushrooms, roasted red peppers (which I took off, obviously) and some sort of pesto spread. Ironically, the night prior to purchasing said sandwich she was telling someone about the noravirus outbreak at the Moscone a couple of weeks ago, and how she felt safer eating prepared food that didn't contain any meat or dairy. Stupid Hello, Jamie.

She boarded the airplane and promptly fell asleep, even though she had a full 8 hours the night before and it's only an hour long flight. She woke up when the pilot asked the flight attendants to "prepare for landing." Her tummy hurt. Nausea, cramping, and so very tired. She assumed maybe it had been a somewhat bumpy ride (not remembering because she had been asleep) and that could have caused the queasiness. She stopped on the way to baggage claim for a coke. It tasted terrible, but the bubbles made her feel a little better. She threw it away though, because it tasted so bad.

When she got home, she felt worse than ever, so she canceled her dinner plans sadly (she's been gone for a MONTH!) and walked out for a ginger ale and a lemon-Calistoga. The ginger ale tasted like sugar and the Calistoga tasted like Lysol. She lay on the couch and moaned.

And then the vomiting started. After that she felt a little better, but still queasy. She tried to drink some water, as she was parched. Then she started vomiting the water. THEN she started dry-heaving, shaking, shivering, and cursing Starbucks from the floor of the bathroom.

Finally, around 9pm, she was so thirsty she couldn't stand it, so she had some ice chips. Then a sip or two of water. Then a little peppermint tea. Then some ginger ale, which suddenly tasted so amazing she finished the entire bottle. By the time 10 o'clock rolled around all said liquids were still in her body, so she went to her lovely, cooshy bed she had missed so much and slept for 11 hours.

Now she is starving. And tired, and dehydrated.

To all those who didn't like Indiana Jones and the Crystal Skull

Seriously. I have talked to like, 3 people (men, in fact) that didn't care for the film. I keep hearing things like "he's too old; those fight scenes aren't believable" and "it's just too far-fetched." To which I answer, sorry, but have you not seen the other 3? I have, all 4 in a row, this weekend, and I think the 4th is just as good as the others. (I could have done without the aliens, because, really, way to mix your genres there, Spielberg- but even with, the movie is great.)

I think those of you who say he's told old now? Really mean you're too old now. The first three that came out in '81, '84, and '89, respectively, are forever linked in your mind to that period in your life. You found them more believable because you were a kid. They are grand, bold adventures that belong on the big screen. Just because you are a little older/wiser/harder now doesn't mean that you can't enjoy a good fictional tale of mystere and wonder. So is Indy!! I mean, come on, I was 5 when I saw Raiders of the Lost Ark in the theater, in my dad's lap, screaming in horror when those things flew out of the Ark and those Nazis faces melted off. I was 8 when Temple of Doom came out, about the age to believe yes, I could be Short Round and go on fantastical adventures with Indy!!! I was 13 when the Last Crusade opened, the age to get starry-eyed about such a heroic and handsome man as Indiana Jones. This is just another chapter in the story, and I thought it was exactly what it should be.

As usual, Ebert agrees with me.

Next up for me- Prince Caspian, Wall-E, Sex & the City (I know; I didn't really want them to make it, but since they did, I will see it), and The X-Files. I love summer movies!

in which she goes on a customer service rant

So, last night I walk into the hotel, around midnight, after working for 14 hours and stopping for a cocktail and some tater tots on the way "home," and decide I need a bottle of water. The vending machine is literally 20 steps past the front desk. I get there, and only have a 5-er, so I go back to the desk and ask for 5 ones. There were 2 people at the desk, an older gentleman and a woman in maybe her late 30s. The guy gives me the ones and the lady asked me if I had been in the sun (because my face was red, shocker). I said no, it was probably just the vodka, and she laughed and told me I was funny and cute. I head back to the machine where my co-worked was buying her bottle of water with all change. It works fine and then we proceed to try about 8 different $1 bills with no luck. We decided maybe it was full of ones and I decided to walk back over to the desk for some change. The following was exchanged:

Me: Could I have some quarters please? Your vending machine's not taking my bills.

Lady, who just told me I was funny, sternly: Ma'am, we are in the middle of a shift change. We cannot exchange any money at this time.

Me: Well, you gave me change for my five like 2 minutes ago? I just need some quarters for the vending machine.

Lady: Ma'am, we are in the middle of a shift change. If you could just take a seat for 10-15 minutes I will be right with you.

Me: Ahahahhahha, oh, wait, for real? 10-15 minutes? Just to get some quarters?

Lady: Ma'am, we are in the middle of a ...

Me: Whatever. *stalks off, thirsty*

End scene. So maybe I was a bit snippy, but seriously????

Well, at least it wasn't as long as this vending machine story.

"I spent two solid weeks creating this medival civilization from the ground up!"

Picture it, Los Angeles, about 10 minutes ago.

I just met Dean Haglund, better known (to me) as Richard "Ringo" Langley from The X-Files and The Lone Gunmen series. He now, apparently, is selling earth-friendly keep-your-computer-cool thingies, which he is advertising at my show.






He is a super nice guy, really open and sweet. He gave me an autographed photo and asked me questions about myself, and staunchly refused to tell me whether or not he will appear in the new X-Files movie and/or anything about it. He apparently has a his own comedy show and just finished touring England.




By the way, you can see his commercial here, and you can buy his product here. Yeah, I'll plug it! Oh, and his super-cute girlfriend/business partner? Better known as Chloe, the girl from the copy shop, who Ross slept with when he and Rachel were "on a break."

happiness is....

...discovering that your $600 tax credit had been direct-deposited into your checking account on May 9th and ordering yourself Doctor Who, The Complete 3rd Series before sending the rest to your credit card. Also? Getting free shipping. Thanks, government! Thanks, Amazon.com!

in which the survey says....

Yes, Karen, I will do your survey, because today my job is just that boring. Today.

Do you know the words to The Star Spangled Banner?
Uh, I guess I do? Not being the baseball fan that Bischer is, I don't have the opportunity to sing it as often as she. But I could probably do it on a bet.

Do you think the guy should always pay on the first date?
If he is the one that did the asking and I am the one that did the accepting then yes, I do think he should pay. I guess I am old-fashioned that way (I also think they should open doors and lift heavy things for me-- not because I can't do it myself but because I grew up in the South and it's just what polite men do). But if it was a mutually-agreed casual hanging-out thing, then I wouldn't stress over payment options.

When was the last time you stayed awake for over 24 hours?
uhhh, last February at Traders Expo in NYC? Maybe. I worked a 21-hr day so I'm sure once you factor in transportation and showering/getting ready time it was close to 24. Maybe not over. But close. And also last Thursday. I woke up at 6:30am on the east coast and went to bed after 1am on the west coast-- again, not over, but close.

What is the last movie you saw in a theater?
Iron Man. I might be alone in my principles, but it was a solid B-. ("There he goes, off to his room to write the hit song, Alone in my Principles." Name that quote!)

What were you doing for a living 9 years ago?
Partying like it was 1999? Oh, for a living. Errr, Komen Foundation, I think.

What is the best compliment you have ever received?
I can't remember but I feel like it probably came from either Krysten or Tom. They are both such wonderfully and unabashedly expressive friends.

Do you read on the toilet?
No, no, a thousand times no!!! I agree with Karen- how do people do this? First, I don't go into the bathroom unless I actually have to go, so I just do my business and leave the bathroom. Second, I'm sorry for playing the nutrition card, but if you have to take in reading material, you are not getting enough fiber in your diet.

Favorite author?
Eeek... I couldn't possibly pick just one! Jane Austen, CS Lewis, Tom Robbins, John Irving, Barbara Kingsolver, J.K. Rowling, Tom Casiello.

Have any snow dances/superstitions for getting a day off of school?
This question baffled me. I grew up in Texas, where it snowed enough to cancel school maybe once every 3 years, so not enough to develop traditional superstitious dances.

What's your favorite Shakespeare play?
The Tempest. "O, brave, new world, that has such creatures in't!!"

Done any gambling?
When I go to Vegas I give myself only $20 because I am petrified I would never be able to stop.

Your opinion of the 80s?
Cringe-worthy, in a so terrible-it's-awesome kind of way. And yeah, I'm taking about fashion, music, and movies/TV.

If you could change something in any book, movie or TV show:
Carrie would have ended up single at the end of Sex & the City (which may still happen, since they inexplicably felt the need to make a movie). And Mulder would have died in his quest at the end of The X-Files (another thing that still may happen as they are still making movies, though not so inexplicably). For that matter, I would have been OK with Harry Potter dying at the end of the series. Hey, whatever, I'm a sucker for a solid literary romantic hero.

Favorite Disney movie?
Fantasia. Or maybe Aladdin.

What song are you listening to or thinking of right now?
Singing in my head: Prince Ali, fabulous he, ali ababwa...... Thanks, previous question.

What is your stance on politics?
"Anyone who is capable of getting himself elected president should on no account be allowed to do the job." ~Douglas Adams.

What can you never say no to?
Food. Friends. Food and friends together.

in which she wonders if anyone is still reading

I looked at a random post from Dec 2005 (when I started No Day but Today) and it had 18 comments. Do 18 people even read this thing??

So, I'm in LA, and I actually moved hotels yesterday because the one I was in was so, so crappy. Sad. Anyway, I got a full night's sleep, yay, and on the way to work this morning, stopped at a little Asian convenient store for a coffee, and wonder of wonders, found the Japanese coffee-in-a-can that I drank every morning when I was in Hawai'i last year!!! Really odd, because I've never seen it anywhere else, and I was just telling my co-worker about it 2 days ago, and how I much I loved it and wished I could find it in the states.

Needless to say, my week got infinitely better upon the discovery of this little gem. A friend of mine once asked me how much of my day I spent thinking/talking about food and I have to say, most of it. Is that wrong?

full moon

I honestly believe people go crazy at the full moon. Almost every month, I throw my hands up in exasperation and wonder why so many people are being douchebags/jacka$$es/just straight-up insane and sometime before the end of the day someone or something reminds me that it's a full moon. This month is no exception (full moon tomorrow).

Thank you, Bisch, for reminding me that some greatness can come out of people-- even if it's just a bootie-shaking, hairbrush-screeching song about how much people suck.

Thursday, the third day city

OK, kids, I'm leaving Boston today for Los Angeles, my 3rd city in my 26-day May-cation. Which is a poor choice of wordisms because it wasn't anything close to to vacation. I got to sleep until 7am this morning, which is 3 hours later than I've slept for the the last 4 days (on the east coast, natch)!!

I was working in the marshalling yard this week (3 million lbs of freight for a 3-day show... this industry is ridiculous), which I normally hate, but our Boston yard is a bit of a different beast. It's a lot closer to the CC, for one, making it vastly more convenient in every single way, and I adore Billy, the guy who runs the yard, there were 2 of us, so I didn't feel too overwhelmed, and it gave me the rare opportunity to hear Bostonians say the words "pahk" and "cah" and "yahd" pretty much all day every day with no accent jokes involved. Plus I got to drive the Gator. Despite the lack of sleep it was a pretty good week.

On to the next, Los Angeles, to a dying show that will probably bore me to tears. But my AE used to be a CTG so it will be nice to be with her for a week, nice to be in a place where I don't have to wear a fleece every day, and nice to not be so busy and tired I can't think straight. Yesterday I was so exhausted I was approaching delirium-- at one point I couldn't remember the word for "sleeve."

Gotta go wrangle my suitcase. See you in LA!