I can't unleash my full potential in a two-page summary!

The idealistic speechwriter is well-liked by just about everyone. He's known for his excellent writing, sense of humor, and tendency to be clutzy. He is younger than the rest of the staff, and is often treated as so, much to his dismay.

Which West Wing Character are You?

Some of my favorite Sam quotes:

Sam: (to Josh) Yeah, but one of those times she broke your heart. You know, the way women can do--way they take your heart, they throw it on the floor, then they stomp on it with their big high heels. Well, she's a very beautiful and interesting woman, Josh. I can see how a lot of guys would go for her. (beat) You know, there's nothing at all that I'm saying now of any value so I think the thing to do is, I think I should just keep writing.

Sam: You're asking me out on a date.
Mallory: No.
Sam: No?
Mallory: No, I'm asking you if you'd like to go together with me to see an internationally renowned opera company perform a work indigenous to its culture.
Sam: Right. And in what way will it distinguish itself from a date?
Mallory: There will be under no circumstances sex for you at the end of the evening.
Sam: Okay.
Mallory: So, what do you say?
Sam: Well, uh, like most people I am an absolute nut for Chinese opera--Chinese being known the world over for their soaring and romantic melodies. And what with your guarantee that there won't be sex, I don't see how I could say no.
Mallory: Good then. I'll come by and get you at about 7:30.
Sam: Yeah. And you know what's good about this? If you hadn't come along with your offer of Chinese opera and no sex, all I'd be doing later is watching Monday Night Football, so this works out great for me.
Mallory: 7:30.
Sam: Yes, indeed.

Sam: Mallory, education is the silver bullet. Education is everything. We don't need little changes. We need gigantic, monumental changes. Schools should be palaces. The competition for the best teachers should be fierce. They should be making six figure salaries. Schools should be incredibly expensive for government and absolutely free of charge to its citizens, just like national defense. That's my position. I just haven't figured out how to do it yet.

Bartlet: Morning, everybody. Anyone know what the word "acalculia" means?
Sam: It's an inability to perform arithmetic functions. I'm sorry, Mr. President. You wanted to answer your own question, didn't you?
Bartlet: Yeah, but I'll get over it.
Sam: Good for you, sir. That's very mature.
Bartlet: Shut up.
Sam: You're not over it yet, are you?
Bartlet: No.
Sam: OK.

Sam: Well, over three and half centuries ago, strengthened by faith and bound by a common desire for liberty, a small band of pilgrims sought out a place in the new world where they could worship according to their own beliefs... and solve crimes.
Toby: Sam...
Sam: It'd be good.
Toby: Read the thing.
Sam: By day they churn butter and worship according to their beliefs and by night they solve crimes.
Toby: Read the thing,
Sam: Pilgrim detectives.
Toby: Do you see me laughing?
Sam: I think you're laughing on the inside.
Toby: OK.
Sam: With the big hats!
Toby: Give me the speech.

Sam: There are a lot of hungry people in the world, Mal, and none of them are hungry 'cause we went to the moon. None of them are colder, and certainly none of them are dumber 'cause we went to the moon.
Mallory: And we went to the moon. Do we really have to go to Mars?
Sam: Yes.
Mallory: Why?
Sam: 'Cause it's next. 'Cause we came out of the cave. And we looked over the hill, and we saw fire. And we crossed the ocean, and we pioneered the West, and we took to the sky. The history of man is hung on a timeline of exploration, and this is what's next.

Sam: Nobody got hurt at the Boston Tea Party. The only people that got hurt were some fancy boys who didn't have anything to wash down their crumpets with. We jumped out from behind bushes while the British came down the road in their bright red jackets, but never has a war been so courteously declared. It was on parchment with calligraphy and, "Your Highness, we beseech you on this day in Philadelphia to bite me, if you please."

Sam: By the way, my Princeton Tigers could whip your Cal Bears any day of the week.
C.J.: At what?
Sam: Logarithms, possibly.