just a note I sent to my girlfriends this morning

Hitting a rough patch and have no energy to write more than I already have, with the following note to two very close girlfriends this morning.

Hi ladies,

I watched this video this morning and it made me think of you two, separately, but I think we are all close enough for me to address you together.

I'm a generally optimistic person and girls... I'm running out. I'm not sure why this video in particular tipped me off, something about watching people move their bodies with JOY maybe, but I just sat down and had a real good cry.

I do feel better afterwards (emotional orgasm for one, please) but man, the world is so fucked up and I just really need some hope. I've never gone through so much knowing that the entire world and everyone I would normally lean on is going through it too. I could really go for some precedented times, y'all. It's like you don't even know what you're supposed to feel and but god, so many feelings, and then recognizing that so many others have it so much worse that you feel guilty for the feelings, you know?

I bring this to you two today, via email, because I know you both have no problem helping me with my burdens -- and I mean that as the utmost compliment; I would wither if my friends didn't need me -- and I wanted you to be able to process my stuff on your own time, with the option of choosing not to take it on until you're ready. I'm learning so much about grown-up female friendships right now and above all, to put on your own oxygen mask before assisting others.

So I'm going to have leftover pizza and a White Russian for breakfast like a goddamn grown-up and lean on the fact that I have people like you both, out there somewhere, dealing with your own very real and complex emotions. I am here for you to lean on as well, and I appreciate the fact that you know that and use it when necessary. We are a village.

Watch the video! Maybe you can absorb the joy instead of crumbling in the face of it. Or maybe you'll have a good cry like I did and write a sappy note to someone you care about. This is all fine. I love you!

~JLH