ennui

Bolstered by Bischer's blogiversary post and my surly guardian angel*'s none-to-gentle nudges to blog more often, here I am, wandering back through the blogosphere after so much time off. I'm home for a month, and despite my longing to get back here, I am feeling a bit listless, a bit restless, and have a touch of ennui. I'm not blue or anything; I just need a project. My whole life seems to be continually pummeling toward the Next Big Thing and right now all my grand plans seem to be just a bit too far in the future. I need something that will produce some sort of results for me, and stat. I'm uncomfortable with stagnancy.

I even attempted to make some origami high heels last night, and well, that just ruined a lot of perfectly good paper:




I've been cooking, but I'm not feeling very creative. I've been reading, but for some reason I can't concentrate. I've been watching movies, but I get disinterested and my mind wanders. What's next? What's my Next Small Thing to tide me over until the The Next Big Thing?

*My cranky, surly guardian angel is reading this and he knows who he is. We'll call him Clarence for now. Thanks for believing in me, Clarence!

edited to add: I just tried to fix our shower caddy and only succeeded in a) making it worse, b) making a mess, and c) inexplicably shooting soap directly into my eye. So let's make sure my Next Small Thing falls under the banner of Things I Am Good At (which clearly does not include home improvement or origami).

behind jamiepalooza, and what you might find there

I've had a lot of people ask me about Jamiepalooza lately. Some people have even asked to participate. And while I would absolutely adore to have any of you come and visit and spend time with me, even doing some of these very same activities, that would kind of defeat the very purpose of Jamiepalooza, which is to spend it largely solo. So I thought I would share with you guys what a typical Day of Jamie might entail.

It usually starts sometime between 7:30 and 9am. There is NO alarm clock involved, ever. I stretch and rearrange myself, play on my phone for a little bit, Words with Friends and what have you, and usually doze back off. Sometimes I get up straightaway. It's whatever I feel like that morning. Then I brush my teeth, put on my socks and pajama pants and hoodie, and wander into the kitchen for a little of this:



I make myself a nice soy latte, or perhaps a regular cup of coffee, and sit down on the couch with my laptop. I read all of my e-mails, sift through my FB red balloons, look at some blogs, etc. This lasts until my coffee is done, or maybe later, depending on how hungry I am.

Then I eat an apple or some oatmeal, something small, and go to the yoga studio from 11:30-1pm. Sometimes I do my 8-minute arms first, if I remember. While I'm out I run any errands I might have, the drugstore, bank, market, but only those both absolutely necessary and within walking distance.

When I get home I am usually famished, so I take a quick shower (if I didn't at the studio) and make myself a late lunch-- usually pasta because I just worked out for 90 minutes and deserve it, but I throw in some vegetables too. I listen to showtunes and sing along. Sometimes I dance along.

By this time it's mid-afternoon, and I hit the laptop again for another round of e-mails, FB, twitter, and blogs. Sometimes a little work too. This part can take anywhere from 30 minutes to 3 hours depending on what's going on that day. I decide what I'm going to make for dinner. I sometimes have a glass of wine or perhaps do the dishes from lunch. I read for a bit- whatever book I'm reading, or my EW from that week. Sometimes I do a sudoku puzzle.

Around mid-evening I'll make dinner. Sometimes I'll watch Friends/Seinfeld/Scrubs reruns or sometimes I'll listen to music. Once my dinner is ready I pick out my evening television-- a Netflix dvd or something from my DVR, or if I'm really REALLY lazy, just keep watching sitcom re-runs instead of committing to a new story. At some point I might get up and do the dishes, or I might not. There is usually more wine, or sometimes a cup of tea.

Sometimes I fall asleep on the couch, sometimes I fall asleep reading, but I usually drag myself to bed around midnight, happy as a clam.

So there you have it. JAMIEPALOOZA. Sounds pretty freakin' fantastic, doesn't it? I don't hold the patent on this day of awesome, so feel free to rip it off and mold it into your own. I won't mind in the least.

a note from Fatty McPudge

First off, welcome, Alecia, to the world of blogging. I think you'll find it nice here!

Down to business: I have had a come-to-Jesus talk with my (fat) self about my body. Now, I have a relatively to healthily positive body image, always have. I don't want to be a stick. But my pudge is a little out of control. You know how when you're just a little overweight, your clothes are too tight but you still look better naked than clothed? I've now passed that point. I'm just gross. Don't worry; I'm not spiraling into an eating disorder or anything. I love food, always will. But I am like 15 lbs heavier than I have ever been, and it's time to nip it in the bud.

So, I'm going home today for 10 whole days, and the first week I'm kicking it solo, Jamiepalooza style. I THINK I can carve at least 5-8 of those pesky lbs off in a week, no kidding. I'm going to "cleanse" a bit (only veggies and brown rice or quinoa-- no meat, no dairy, no sugar, no alcohol) for the first coupla/three days, then stick to a mostly vegan diet for the rest of the week. Also, I will do my arm video at home with free weights, and either 90 minutes of Bikram OR a walk of at least 5 miles every day.

I think I will feel better once my clothes fit again, and this week will serve to provide me with some much-needed discipline and save me a little dough. Expect lots of updates about dvds and salads. :)

Jamiepalooooooza!

OK, so since we've last spoken, I have been back to DC for 12 days (and had a mah-velous time, spoken smugly as Fraulein Maria when asked by Captain VonTrapp whether his children had been roaming around Salzberg wearing drapes), home for 24 hours (ditto), and am now setting up temporary camp in Anaheim, California. Despite the ridiculous number of Disney-rabid children running around my hotel, I'm holding my chin up because the weather is beautiful and I'm counting my days to Jamiepalooza. When I get home on Friday I have 10- count them- T-E-N, days OFF, and my roommate (bless him) will be away, so it's 10 days of meeeee time! And if you can remember from my previous post, I fracking deserve it.

As you all well know from being dedicated readers of No Day but Today, an eminent Jamiepalooza means it's time for a to-do list! Here's what I'll be up to between June 25 and July 5:

• sleeping without my alarm clock
• finishing my mission statement
• applying to grad school (!!!!!)
• walking to the beach
• doing lots of yoga (in turn, losing a few lbs)
• cooking things that give me garlic breath
• finishing the Steig Larsson trilogy
• drinking an entire bottle of red wine by myself while watching a musical from the 50's (and singing along at the top of my lungs)
• CLE-EEEEANing my apartment
• painting something
• finally folding those origami high heels Cousin Julia gave me like, a thousand years ago
• pickling things
• buying a plant
• playing cards
• and, lying around and stare at the ceiling, if I want!!!

I'm sure my 10 days will go by all-to quickly, but I get to go to New Orleans (because even though who doesn't want to be in New Orleans in July?- I love it) after the 4th, and then have another little bit off before the next one, so all-in-all July is shaping up to be MUCH more palatable than her spring sisters.

So all in all, things are going OK over here. How are all of you?

a post about attitude

first, please notice I actually updated all of my side-bar links!! whoo-hoooo! also, can anyone tell me how to get rid of that extra unlinked graphic at the bottom left of my header banner? I know enough to tweak a template here and there but I can't figure out what that is. Now onto the blog!

Hello, all, I have had a bit of a rough stretch. Actually, I shouldn't use past-tense as I am sort of still in the midst of it. In the last 6 weeks I've studied for/taken the GRE, been to Toronto, Vancouver, San Francisco (for a whopping 48 hours), Miami Beach, Atlanta, and am headed to DC in a couple of days. Gotta squeeze one more show in before jetting back to the west coast for an immediate shift at the yoga studio (because I can't say no) and straight into jury duty. And not, report-and-see-if-you-get-called jury duty, but you've-had-2-failure-to-show-notices-and-you're-flat-out-ASSIGNED jury duty.

All of this to say, I'm a bit... drained, to say the least. I'm to that point where I have to force caffeine into my blood system to wake up and alcohol into my bloodstream to go to sleep. I'm running on bleary-eyed auto-pilot. BUT, all THAT to say, I've been having a really good time. (Thanks, Rori!)

I was chatting with Candice the other day, all the way from Tbilisi, Georgia (God bless the internet), and she's so supportive and positive, and really pumped me up about what I've been going through, with my super-budget, and my insane work schedule, and my school-preparing and all. She suggested I should write an article or blog post about how to take life by the horns and RULE it, because so few people do that, and I have to say I agree with her.

Taking the pity party is obviously the easiest thing to do. Yes, I get treated like crap for most of the day and get paid almost nothing for it. Yes, I've been home 2 days in the last 6 weeks. Yes, I'm nervous about trying to get into a super-competitive masters program with solidly average test scores. It would be SO easy to slip into a rut, spend a lot of money on alcohol, not turn in my school application, stay in my current job, my current life, because it's easier than taking a chance on something that I'm not really sure will work, and if it does, might not be any better than what I have now.

But listen up. Life is hard for everyone. You can't compare your troubles to someone else's. I might not get into school. I might not be able to afford to do the things I want to do. I might be fatter than I really want to be. But guess what? I have the power to change all of those things. And the things I don't have the power to change? I certainly have the power to change my attitude.

Abraham Lincoln said "most people are about as happy as they make their minds up to be." 100% true. There is good everywhere. You can find it. You can choose to dwell on the beautiful sunrise or bitch about why you're up so early. You can choose to complain about how you can't afford to be out at a fancy dinner or you can learn the joy of making your own favourite meals. You can sit at home and be lonely or you can go out and meet new people.

Of course we all slip and we all need to vent every once in a while. But as a GENERAL rule, I have no patience for say, someone who complains about his/her weight while sitting on the couch with some Chinese take-out. Least of all myself. Either change it, or zip it. No matter what I'm complaining about, someone has it worse. Just go ahead and BE what you admire in other people. Positivity begets positivity.

Things are happening over here in my world. I am no longer in a rut of quiet desperation. I have started my own ball rolling, and by this time next year, my life is going to be dramatically different. I don't know exactly what's going to happen, and on what time frame, but it's happening.

And I can't wait to tell you all about it.

study study school's your buddy!

Last post January 10??? Wow, I guess blogging IS "so 2008."

Yesterday while I was getting produce from the market between yoga classes I was thinking about all the things I do when I'm not working, and however subconsciously, am always BUSY striving to make myself a better Jamie. Honestly, I am almost always doing something -- solving a puzzle, working out, studying, reading recipes-- to make myself smarter, healthier, more financially secure, a better cook, a snappier dresser, etc, and even though I really love doing all those things, sometimes I wonder if I really AM a better person than if I just sat around eating junk food and watching reality television in my fat pants all day. Because some days it's easy to throw a pity party and wonder if this quest is in vain.

But junk food and reality TV is not me. I'll continue to try to do sudoku puzzles over my morning coffee, try to get to yoga every day, try to eat less fattening food, try to keep my attitude in check, try to tell people I love them more often.

In somewhat related news, how am I supposed to study when this is my view????



Dear Library, please install smaller windows so I can focus on quantitative comparisons. Love, Jamie

J-Money and her Special Sauce

I know a lot of people are probably REALLY tired of hearing me say "I can't afford to... [insert ANYTHING here]." I also know I'm not the only one who's had a rough year (I didn't get laid off; thank GOD, but I did take a pay cut, have benefits revoked, and been on two mandatory unpaid furloughs). I ALSO know that being in debt is my own fault, I'm not even close to being alone in my mess, and a whole slew of other facts that can simultaneously make me feel guily and hopeful.

Here's something more concrete though. I have just made myself a nice, orderly little budget to be debt-free-- COMPLETELY-- by the end of 2011. I know that's 2 years from now. I wanted to make a goal I could keep. This budget actually gives me a month of jiggle room, because I think I'll be done in November of 2011. In fact, this budget is assuming I will make exactly what I make now for the next 24 months, meaning any extra money I come into can make it even sooner.

I have 4 outstanding balances. I actually had 5 in 2009 and paid off one in November (the one that included my college loans). Best feeling EVER. I can't wait to feel it again in April '10, June '10, August '11, and November '11-- in each instance "the best feeling ever" going up exponentially. Everything is laid out in a nice little grid, aptly entitled "My Spreadsheet of Doooooom".

Luckily two of my creditors are family and thus have been very flexible with pay-back schedules and interest rates. The other two, not so much. I will be finished (hopefully) with one family in April, and the other in June. Each time I pay off a debt I will reallot my money to pay the maximum amount to the remaining debts.

I have two non-work trips to take in 2010-- one to Dallas in March for Amy's birthday, and one to Tulsa in April for Emily & Justin's wedding. Both flights will be purchased with miles, and both trips' "spending money" will have to be saved up and carefully doled out.

Other than those two-- nothing. No more eating out*. No more taxis**. No more new clothing***. I've already basically been doing this since August so it shouldn't be too terrible. I've changed my shampoo from Lush to Fructise. (My hair hates me.) I got rid of the fancy cable. I put out some feelers for some catering work for when I'm in town. I changed my Netflix to the sad, one-at-a-time, 2-max-per-month option. I WILL do this.

*at home. Obviously, I travel for work and I still have to eat when I'm on the road. If my hotel has a kitchen I will get groceries and eat in the hotel; if it doesn't I will stay within the confines of my per diem.
**also, obviously, at home.
***if I really REALLY need something (ie: a dress for the wedding) I will get it at the thrift store or on a major MAJOR sale.

I know I have friends who read this blog (or maybe they don't anymore; I actually have no idea) who will roll their eyes, shake their heads, think to themselves (or tell me to my face) that I've been here before, and dudes. Don't you think I know that? This post is not for them. This post is for me. When I can lay out something so concrete and can SEE my finish line, it helps me. It gives me hope. It pumps me up. It reminds me that I have a plan. It urges me to make my deadline. I don't need any negativity in this pursuit. I need to know that it can be done, that I can do it, that I have the support of my friends who won't get mad when I have to cut Sunday Funday out of my week or go to the first matinee of the day because it's $6 instead of $8.

All this means, in effect, that I can start grad school in 2012. Meaning I'll have my Masters by the time I'm 38, which is a rather respectable age to start a career, n'est ce pas? By the time I'm 40 I'll be working half the hours and making twice the money that I do now.

And honestly, that doesn't seem all that far away.

back to life; back to reality

Creeping up on 21 days here at Casa Lewelling and it has be OH-so-much-fun. However, now that the calendar holidays are over and I don't have another one in a week to look forward to, I'm starting to think about home. Not in a wistful way; I love it here, but in an "oh yeah, bills," "oh yeah, work," and "oh, yeah I wonder how much mail/dust is at my house." *sigh* Real life is for the birds.

Been contemplating a lot this week-- blogging, even though Tom says it's "SO 2008," reading, and whether struggling through a book is ever worth it, facebooking- to update or not to update under their stupid new privacy settings, dieting, dating, whether dieting will help with the dating, whether the dating is worth it when I am a perfectly happy single person, my job, my budget, my money- or extreme lack thereof, why I am generally a raspy self-confident sass-pot, but certain people in my life can make me feel bad about myself in a single moment, whether that's my stuff or their stuff, moving to France, why I never get the good Scrabble words agains Uncle Al when I play just fine with everyone else, and why flammable and inflammable mean the same thing.

Apparently this is what happens when I have a lot of time on your hands!!

New Year's Resolutions: the usual-- budget, diet, be outside more, de-clutter, floss, read, cook, love, live. I know a lot of people thing resolutions are stupid (and boy, do they say so) but I don't see any reason why they should judge me for taking an opportunity to be a better person. Sure, it's just another day, but I like fresh starts and I'll take one any chance I can get.

So, so long, 2009, and thanks for the memories and all you taught me, but I'm done with you now. 2010 is a clean slate, a tabula rasa, a new leaf, another chance to turn it all around. New year, new attitude, new Doctor, new self.